We Were Conditioned Not to Love Ourselves

In childhood, we are conditioned to believe who we are and, consequently, what we should love. Family, culture, religion, and society impose expectations that shape our relationships, often disregarding our true nature. This conditioning process is both abusive and neglectful because it undermines the development of our personal power.

When we are out of alignment with our soul, we cannot experience genuine pleasure because we do not know how to love ourselves. True pleasure arises when we don’t use it to validate our worth but instead engaging with it freely from a place of inner power, which is what it means to love ourselves. As children, we do not learn how to love ourselves because we were never taught how.

To compensate for this misalignment and lack of love, we become addicted to seeking pleasure in ways that do not reflect our soul’s true desires. This provides temporary relief from the pain of living out of alignment, but it ultimately deepens the cycle of abuse and neglect against ourselves and others. We cannot truly love anything if we do not first love ourselves.

Without awareness of our power, we fall into a lifestyle driven by addiction to superficial pleasure without love. Though it may offer brief moments of escape, it cannot provide true fulfillment, which comes through practicing self-love. This leaves us disconnected from the deeper satisfaction that comes from living in alignment with our soul.

Our Soul is Our Archetype

The phrase "as above, so below" is attributed Hermeticism, essentially meaning that the patterns and principles observed in the heavens are mirrored in the earthly realm, signifying a interconnectedness between the spiritual and physical worlds.

Astrophysicists have theorized what the ancients understood long ago that we live in a holographic universe. Our soul is our archetype and our archetype is the essence of our power.

The origin of the word archetype means original model, which reveals that our true nature, which is our soul, is not defined by what our family, culture, religion, or society has told us. Instead, it is a holographic pattern that has always existed, an imprint beyond time, unaffected by human narratives.

We can examine our holographic pattern in astrology. Each planetary body, zodiac sign, and aspect within a birth chart represents a holographic imprint of one’s soul at the moment of birth—a unique configuration of energy that resonates with the larger cosmic order.

But to truly know who we are, to know our soul, and to understand our archetype, we must repair the damage caused by our conditioning in childhood.

This is where therapy becomes essential. Throughout the conditioning process, neurological damage has been done to our memories, specifically to our autobiographical memory. Autobiographical memory is the collection of memories tied to our life story. To truly know who we are, we must make meaning of our life story. However, when these memories have been damaged by conditioning, we become disconnected from our archetype.

Enlightenment is the Result of Reconnecting with Our Archetype

The disconnection we experience from our archetype is caused by the conditioning process. This disconnection from our archetype is known as dissociation. In dissociation, we are unable to make meaning of the memories tied to our thoughts and feelings. While our archetype is eternal, our thoughts and feelings can be damaged.

At the Kaivalya Institute, I work with my patients to repair this damage so they may reconnect with their soul, which is their archetype. This reconnection is what it means to attain enlightenment.

Over the course of five years, I developed a modified form of Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) that repairs autobiographical memory by targeting one’s addiction to superficial pleasure without love. This addiction perpetuates a cycle of abuse and neglect against oneself and others. It also continuously prevents one from experiencing true fulfillment in life.

The Benefits of Enlightenment

Soul-aligned pleasure is the direct result of attaining enlightenment. When we awaken to our true nature, pleasure is no longer an escape or a substitute for love but an authentic expression of alignment with our essence. In this state, pleasure is experienced as a natural and effortless flow, rooted in power, meaning, and deep connection rather than addiction or avoidance. True fulfillment arises when we no longer seek pleasure to fill a void but instead allow it to emerge as a reflection of our enlightened self.

  • When you are in alignment with your true nature, beauty, love, and pleasure are no longer external pursuits but natural expressions of your being. You experience beauty not as something to be possessed but as something that flows through your life effortlessly. Love is no longer conditional or transactional but an authentic connection that emerges from your power. Pleasure is no longer an indulgence or a means of escape but a state of being that aligns with your essence. In this harmony, every experience is imbued with meaning, and fulfillment arises organically rather than being something you chase.

  • Society imposes rigid definitions of success, happiness, and worth, conditioning people to seek joy in external validation, material accumulation, and socially accepted ideals. However, true joy is found in what genuinely resonates with your essence, not in what others expect from you. When you shed conditioned expectations, your desires become your own. You find joy in the simple, the profound, the deeply personal—whether it be in creative expression, deep contemplation, or authentic relationships. This kind of joy is unwavering because it does not rely on trends, status, or approval but rather on the unshakable truth of who you are.

  • When you are disconnected from your soul, pleasure becomes a coping mechanism, a way to numb pain or distract from the emptiness of living out of alignment. It becomes an addiction to temporary highs, whether through materialism, excessive consumption, or fleeting validation. However, when you are in harmony with yourself, pleasure transforms. It is no longer about filling a void but about deepening your connection with life itself. Pleasure becomes sacred, an affirmation of your truth rather than an escape from suffering. It enhances your experience rather than distorts it, allowing you to engage fully with the present moment without seeking distraction or excess.

Are You Ready to Experience Enlightenment?